Hello, My name is Sylvia. I am a self-taught developer on their journey and writing about it as inspiration hits. Today's inspiration came from when I remained silent. Silent during twitter spaces, discord, and zoom meetings. I stayed silent while hearing the voices of my peers and it made me feel as if I was being left out of the conversation. And I was. I wasn't engaging or adding anything to the conversation and that was a problem.
I am not saying that I have the guide or how-to in participating in conversations more actively, but I do have my story, and I hope this will help someone who has struggled with networking just as much as I struggle with it.
Now before you say that there isn't a need for networking, that's true, many people have landed jobs without networking one bit. Although, what's also true is that networking in all of its aspects can only improve your chances. From zoom meetings, interviews, and engaging with your community, teammates, and colleagues, networking is key.
It builds on the foundation that is your ability to communicate.
What is networking?
It is engaging in conversation with another person or people who hold similar interests as you. Usually this networking is in correlation with a need or want. Want a job in tech? Connect with people in tech. Want to work at google? Connect and/or get noticed by hiring managers and recruiters, preferably those with connections to google. Need to get better with your programming language? Find a mentor. All of these can be achieved with networking.
Improve your communication skills and you will find networking a bit more easier. The only reason why I say it improves a bit more and not a lot more is because it depends on your delivery and ability to actually communicate. For example, I have social anxiety. I don't like to think of that as a limitation but when I found myself staying silent during a twitter space, I certainly felt that limitation. So, for all intent and purpose, if you have social anxiety, this may not be the article for you. While I know how to deal with mine, I have no medical background or right to say how you should deal with yours. That is an area that will require a lot more than I am capable of, especially in an article that can be read in under 10 minutes. For that, I am sorry.
How did I manage?
Not well, unfortunately. I wish I could say I am getting better each time, but I still fumble and get nervous. My first twitter space? My hands shook as I paced around my room, using notes as my mind kept drawing blanks. My first zoom meeting? I floundered my way as I tried to get my point across, but instead I was just trying to catch my breathe and said what ever came to mind. It wasn't much and I'm pretty sure the conversation was not as it should have been if I allowed myself to be okay with messing up. My first interview? My computer froze on me and I had to rush around my house, using my sister's whose camera was covered in the residue of a sticker and the interviewer couldn't even see me until I cleaned it with windex.
Thank you Eddie Jaoude for being patient with me! You made interviewing exceed my expectations and so enjoyable that I find the idea of doing more interviews even more exciting. I appreciate you taking a chance on me.
Which brings me to my one main tip. Allow yourself to mess up. It takes practice in getting better at managing your embarrassment and or fear. You are going to stumble, say the wrong words, and unfortunately your mind, when it comes for your turn to speak, will draw a blank. This has all happened to me and each time, I still analyze every missed, unspoken, or forgotten word, berating myself. It wasn't until, during a twitter space, Alex Booker, spoke of the same thing. He said something along the lines of him stumbling over his own words and on his YouTube videos, how many times he might have to re-record because it wasn't up to his standards. Many agreed with him and spoke of their own stumbles and falls. That's when the bubble of mine broke. I realized that I'm not alone in this.
After that, I started paying more attention to what people were saying. Many times over the next couple of weeks, I listened into people's own fears and doubts, heard many fumbles and mistakes. Most importantly, I heard the laughter of understanding. The sound that said, "I've been there, my friend." When you make a mistake, no one's laughing at you, they will be laughing with you. And if anyone laughs at you, that's their problem, don't pay attention to them. But me listening to everyone gave me the realization that everyone for the most part is afraid and nervous to speak and network. Of course, there's people who seem and or are better at it. Instead of feeling jealous of them, learn from them. I promise, even if you do not want to speak in a space where other's are conversing, listen to them. You will gain so much information from this as long as you are listening.
After that, I suggest small steps. Start finding groups, people, discords, etc where you find people who are like-minded. Having people who share interests in the same thing as you will make networking 100% more easier. Be genuine. Don't look at networking as only a gaining opportunity because then you will learn nothing. Networking is not about being self-serving, it's about building genuine connections. Once you make connections, this is where the hard part comes in.
You have to start speaking. I promise, this is one thing, that does get more manageable, the more you do it. The best way I can put it is with an analogy. In martial arts, there is a thing called knuckle conditioning. It's where, depending on the training, you repeatedly punch a hard surface to strengthen your fist. At first, it's uncomfortable and hard, but the more you build that muscle, the harder you can punch. The same thing with networking. It's uncomfortable and hard, but the more you keep at it, the stronger you'll become.
Start small and work your way up. If you need too, take notes. This has helped me immensely. You can always have questions preplanned before a space or coffee chat, etc and refer to it when you are networking.
Once you build yourself a community, engage with those that you surrounded yourself with, and participate, you will forget that you were even networking. Because all that networking is, building genuine connections.
I know it is never that simple. There will be frustration, tears, mistrials, and even days where you don't want to interact with anyone. That's completely fine, work at your own pace, and go on the path that will lead you to your goal. Never give up and know that the tech community has got your back.
I want to personally thank everyone in my community for helping me along the way. It wasn't easy but you guys have made it all worth it. I appreciate you all.